One of those Days

I love the rain, but for whatever reason, the past while, I feel like I’m drowning. Not in the rain but just… in life. I’m forgetful. Things blur together. I’m frustrated. I can’t seem to stop being irritable.

I have different issues i’m struggling with. Smoking (or lack of), drinking, eating, and taking meds that sort of throw me off.. but at the same time i do feel like they’re helping.

I hate husband’s graveyard shifts. I hate having to stay in the recroom, lower level with the boys and the dog.Everything just feels weird and out of sorts.

Husband woke up mad. He woke up at 6pm but doesnt start til 10pm so he knows hell be tired. He was bitchy with me, and snarky and it made me sad because I had just started baking cookies and had made a roast with potatoes in the slowcooker.

As the night progressed he snapped out of it, but by then I’d already been crying into the cookie batter, thinking about what a fat, ugly loser i am. I hate feeling like that. Old, fat, ugly.. lacking any willpower. Eating another cookie. Wanting a cigarette that I dont have, wanting a drink that I don’t have.

Dog TOTALLY pissed me off today. FAILURE. FAILURE. FAILURE…. it’s all I see…

me

Used observation/described what I was feeling out loud. Also tried One Mindfulness — JUST baking cookies, stirring the dough.. just one thing at a time.. focus. And tried non-judgement.

I would give myself a 4. It distracted me (my skills) but didnt really change how i feel…. though looking back on it, it kind of did. At least it felt healthy to realize i was using those skills. Had a good story time with the boys, huggles 🙂 So… meh, I guess it was a 5.

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